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Doing the 'sit' the way I see fit

2023-06-28

Last October, a few weeks before my baby was born, the most common question I got from friends and colleagues was, "Are you going to 'sit the month'"?

speed gate

▲ Madeleine King considers the first month after giving birth as a time to escape from social pressure. CHINA DAILY

As a foreigner living in China and married to a Chinese guy, it was only natural that people were curious whether I was going to follow this Chinese postpartum tradition.

Sitting the month, or zuo yuezi, in Chinese, essentially means that in the first month or so after their baby is born, new mothers practice certain things to ensure that their body can heal properly from the arduous experience of birth.

A friend told me that when she was sitting the month many years ago, she wasn't allowed to brush her teeth for the whole month! Of course, some of the stricter traditions of old, like this one, aren't as commonplace these days, but there are still some core aspects that guide your diet, personal hygiene and activities. For instance, new mothers are expected to rest well, focus on nutrition, and avoid cold air and physical exertion.

Strictly speaking, I didn't follow the old "guidelines". I popped out for walks, opened the windows, washed my hair regularly, didn't always wear socks, and drank cold water. But I did kind of sit the month in one regard — because I was confined.

sliding door

Photo/CHINA DAILY

Some people call sitting the month a type of confinement, but I actually saw this "confinement" differently. In some places like the West, where I'm from, women who just gave birth may feel social pressure to get straight back out into the world. I saw sitting the month as an escape from this expectation.

With the help of my yuesao, or postpartum carer, who lived with us for the first 26 days, I was able to focus solely on resting and enjoying the arrival of my new baby. My yuesao taught me how to feed and care for the baby and also gave me someone to talk to, helping me overcome difficult emotions — in a way my husband could not. There were no expectations that I would go back out into the world anytime soon. I didn't feel bombarded by my caring Chinese friends or family calling or trying to visit. In fact, they were basically purposely avoiding me! But I knew they were there if I needed them.

My friend, Liuissa Zhen, had her first baby not long after me. Being Australian with Chinese heritage, I was curious to know if she followed any of the sitting-the-month traditions in her home state of Queensland, Australia. She sees the idea of sitting the month as a positive thing when approached flexibly, noting that her mental health suffered from unforeseen circumstances that made her chosen confinement overbearing. Describing her experience as "very lonely", her family and friends couldn't visit her, either because of COVID-19 or in waiting for her son to have his first vaccines. Liuissa's husband did most of the housework but otherwise would use his free time to rest, leaving Liuissa craving adult conversation.

"As I was still healing from a cesarean, my usual self-care method of going to the gym wasn't feasible and going out for walks in the Queensland summer is just asking for heat stroke. It really does take a village to raise a child. And that first month is really tough when you have no village." She added that her mom was working and couldn't take time off, and in Western countries, few can afford to hire a yuesao due to the high cost of labor.

Giving the first month a label, like sitting the month, helps people acknowledge its importance, and it challenges the current notion that women should just give birth and get back out there. For that, I hope that our society can better support women across the world to embrace their first month as they see fit.

Reporter: Madeleine King

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